29 years ago today ...

Today is the 29th anniversary of my marriage to Debbie. I first published this article over five years ago, shortly after I heard David Posey's Sunday sermon on 1 Peter 3:7.

I’d been cooking professionally for around 10 years when Debbie and I were joined in marriage in 1981.

I knew everything there was to know about cooking. Of course I did. After all, I’d fed thousands of sailors during eight and one-half years active duty service.

Deb first made her mother’s iced tea sometime after we had moved into a Bakersfield two-room apartment. Seven Lipton tea bags, a pint of water and a cup of white sugar went in my good Revere Ware saucepan.

Next came the annoying part. She’d boil the tea until it turned to syrup. She’d then strain the syrup and dilute it into a pitcher.

For years, I tried to correct her tea-making ways. After all, I was the expert. You never boil tea. Just ask Mr. Lipton.

I’d turn the burner to low heat, clean the range-top and chip tea candy from my good Revere Ware saucepan.

This might be amusing except for a "minor" verse in Peter’s letter to the pilgrims of the Dispersion. I say minor only because I didn’t hear much about it until recent years -- I didn’t want to hear much about Peter’s command to husbands.

These may be the most important 34 words in the Bible for husbands:

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7).

Husbands are to live with their wives. This means you’re to dwell with her in close harmony. To dwell with one's wife "with understanding" means that husbands are to know, to understand, to comprehend their nature, especially as it fits in the marriage relationship.

Learn about your wife, what pleases her and what makes her "tick." And honor your wife by putting her on a pedestal. She’s the love of your life, no one else.

Remember that as Christians, you and your wife are "heirs together." Study together, pray together, worship together.

And husbands, there’s a much more serious side to the equation. Peter says that your prayers before God will be hindered if you ignore his command. We have a solemn duty to God and to your wife to dwell, understand and honor.

The outcome: I gave up over 10 years ago. Somewhere along the way I realized my life with Debbie transcended Navy-approved culinary techniques. And she makes a great cup of iced tea (this comes from a guy that grew up on unsweetened iced tea).

Oh, I’m drinking a Mason jar of Deb’s iced tea while writing this blog. It’s one of those sweet tea drinks that grows on you.

Give yourself 29 years!

DEB’S ICED TEA

2 cups cold water
1 cup granulated sugar
7 tea bags

Combine ingredients in a one-quart saucepan over medium-high heat. When the tea boils, reduce to a low simmer. Simmer until tea reduces to the desired strength, about 30 to 60 minutes. Tea will have a syrupy consistency at this point. Please be very careful. Hot tea syrup is akin to culinary napalm -- it burns.

Cool; strain syrup into a two-quart beverage container and dilute with cold water. Make sure to gently squeeze the tea bags to get as much tea as possible into the water.

To serve, fill a Mason jar with ice. Pour tea over ice and enjoy. Squeeze fresh lemon into tea and stir, if desired. Store in the refrigeration for 2-3 days. It'll be time to make a fresh batch!

A lonely time at camp

It's been lonely at Deer Crossing Camp without my wife. I took her home last night so that she could stay with our son, who returned from a summer at grandma's house.

It didn't really hit me until 11:30 this morning, when I sat down for the first time during lunch production. I felt a tear or two as I scribed notes in my camp cooking notebook.

An acute emptiness came over me. It's strange. As long as I was busy this morning, I didn't seem to miss her as much.

It's that empty feeling you get when half is missing -- a void that can only be filled one person, my wife of 28 years. Staying busy only takes my mind off of her for a few minutes.

Although we were at odds in the kitchen sometimes -- probably because I acted like the chef even when Debbie was in the kitchen. It's tough trying to be both husband and chef when your wife is one of your workers. It's a relationship that needs great care and understanding.

Still Debbie was a great comfort these past seven weeks. We'd talk when things became stressful in the camp kitchen. She's always been a good shoulder to lean on, especially when I was willing to listen.

We had a unique relationship at Deer Crossing Camp. Debbie and I were the only married couple at the camp for most of the summer. We'd talk in the evening and work out our differences.

Even though we had some rough days in the kitchen -- probably because her ideas differed from my on some issues -- I've learned to approach marriage as designed by God.

I treat her with understanding and give her a place of honor in my life. After all, we're "together of the grace of life" (1 Peter 3:7). I doesn't make sense to me to treat my wife any other way.

I'm going to continue to miss Debbie as I work this last week at camp.

Unlike the training session last June, when I didn't see her for 10 days, I have a day off on Sunday. I'll be home in time to pick Debbie and Jacob up so we can worship in Camino.

Widows and religion

Have you read a passage of scripture that was written in the negative and thought, "How does this passage apply to my life?" Other than a brief acknowledgement of its truth, you shrug your shoulders and move on.

But these passages have a way of being elevated into your life through trials like the death of a father. Take 1 Timothy 5:8, for instance. Other than to watch my mother and father care for their mothers in their declining years, I never gave much though to the meaning of Paul's instruction to the young preacher Timothy:

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8)

The need to "provide for his own" is one truth that brings out one's faith in God. It's the manifestation of that truth this is used to reveal how thoroughly you have embraced your faith. This is especially true when your mother's widowhood is thrust upon you a little faster than desired.

I'm certain these past 18 months since dad's death have impacted myself and my brothers and sisters in different ways. We've all cried at various times since the funeral. And I'm sure that the five, along with our spouses and children, miss dad very much.

But I'm certain of one thing. We all help provide for mom with the skills that God has given us. While it's been a blessing to mom that her three sons live within driving distance, I can never discount the comfort my sisters give mom through their daily phone calls and frequent trips to Diamond Springs.

It doesn't matter if one mows the lawn, another repairs a leaky water faucet or someone leaves a dozen homemade soups in the freezer. Mom appreciates every phone call, every selfless act and every meal. She's expressed these past months that these actions -- all inspired by our love for her -- helped her cope with the loss of her beloved.

God's truth is often brought out in small ways. It's these expressions of faith that please God. James said, "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble ...." (James 1:27).

You may not be faced with the loss of a parent at this stage in your life. But you don't have to wait until your father dies to start practicing of your religion. Start by helping your mother and father today. One day, your mother will be a widow.

A thankful homecoming ...

Now, here's something to truly be thankful for ...

CORONADO, Calif. (Nov. 25, 2008) -- Culinary Specialist Seaman Tour'e Burt embraces his newborn child upon his return to Naval Station North Island after a six-month deployment aboard the Nimitz-class aircraft carrier USS Ronald Reagan (CVN 76).

U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Joshua Scott.

Sea-going Fathers

Debbie and I didn't meet, marry and have children until after my discharge from active duty in 1979. As a reservist, I was blessed to be present at the birth of all my children. From a 1975 Enterprize battle group sailor to this new father, blog no. 24 salutes all sea-going fathers and mothers.

NORFOLK, Virginia. (Dec. 19, 2007) Culinary Specialist 3rd class Richard Herek, assigned to guided-missile destroyer USS Arleigh Burke (DDG 51), holds his two-month-old daughter for the first time as he returns to Naval Station Norfolk after a six-month deployment. Arleigh Burke, part of the Enterprise Carrier Strike Group, deployed to the 5th and 6th Fleet Areas of Responsibility to support theater security cooperation and maritime security operations.

U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist Seaman Jon Dasbach.

Fathering is an Important Job

By Don Alexander, evangelist for the Pollock Pines-Camino, California, church of Christ

Good fathers who love God not only "father" children but nurture, guide and correct them so that they obey the father and mother and love the Heavenly Father. That is the central message of Ephesians 6:4:

You fathers provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of God.

By this example of godly living coupled with direct instruction, a father moves his children from earth to heaven. He must not only lift them up on his shoulders in play, he must also lift up their hearts to the Heavenly Father in prayer. He must teach them about the Father of us all and not relegate this role to his wife alone. He is to take the lead in seeing that his family attends the assemblies and classes of the saints, but also that they pray, study their Bibles and serve others. Their faith will be based on their learning from the Heavenly Father's revealed Word, the Bible.

He is the first taste his children have of structure, authority and consistent love. He may feel that his wife knows more about kids than he does, and she may. But he must know their hearts, structure their lives until they have learned to do this themselves, provide them opportunities to have chores and work, and teach them values that will build character and serve as an anchor in turbulent times.

His hand can be tender in its firmness, but must always be honest in its movements. His Heavenly Father must guide him through the precepts of the Bible in conducting family life through his leadership. Done well, fathering casts a long shadow for generations. Done poorly, it does the same thing. It takes far more than the ability to "make babies" to be a father.

Fathers, take up your honorable position and lead your families in the ways of the Heavenly Father. Your wife should work with you and your family should commend you and encourage you in the role. Your children need you more than your boss does. The church needs you; society needs you. Heaven awaits your decision and your action. And somewhere down the road of time, some child's life, in generations yet to be born, will be affected by your life.

May God bless you in the most important domestic and social role on earth with the most potential for good--being a good, Christian father.

I originally published Don's article last Father's Day. Don revised his article for 2006.

Fathering Is An Important Job

By Don Alexander

Good fathers who love God not only "father" children but nurture, guide and correct them so that they obey the father and mother and love the Heavenly Father. That is the central message of Ephesians 6:4:

You fathers provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of God.

By this example of godly living coupled with direct instruction, a father moves his children from earth to heaven. He must not only lift them up on his shoulders in play, he must also lift up their hearts to the Heavenly Father in prayer.

He must teach them about the Father of us all and not relegate this role to the mother alone. He is to take the lead in seeing that his family attends the assemblies and classes of the saints, but also that they pray, study their Bibles and serve others.

He is the first taste his children have of structure, authority and consistent love. His hand must be tender in its firmness, but must always be honest in its movements. His Heavenly Father must guide him through the precepts of the Bible in conducting family life through his leadership.

Done well, fathering casts a long shadow for generations. Done poorly, it does the same thing. It takes far more than the ability to "make babies" to be a father.

Fathers, take up your honorable position and lead your families in the ways of the Heavenly Father. Your family should commend you and encourage you in the role.

The church needs you. Heaven awaits your decision and your action. Your children need you more than your boss does. And somewhere down the road of time, some child's life will be affected by your life.

Deb’s Iced Tea and Living with Your Wife

I’d been cooking professionally for around 10 years when Debbie and I were joined in marriage in 1981.

I knew everything there was to know about cooking. Of course I did. After all, I’d fed thousands of sailors over eight and one-half years active duty service.

Deb first made her mother’s iced tea sometime after we had moved into a Bakersfield two-room apartment. Seven Lipton tea bags, a pint of water and a cup of white sugar went in my good Revere Ware saucepan.

Next came the annoying part. She’d boil the tea until it turned to syrup. She’d strain the syrup and dilute it into a pitcher.

For years, I tried to correct her tea-making ways. After all, I was the expert. You never boil tea. Just ask Mr. Lipton.

I’d turn the burner to low heat, clean the range-top and chip tea candy from my good Revere Ware saucepan.

This might be amusing except for a "minor" verse in Peter’s letter to the pilgrims of the Dispersion. I say minor only because I didn’t hear much about it until recent years -- I didn’t want to hear much about Peter’s command to husbands.

These may be the most important 34 words in the Bible for husbands:

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7).

Husbands are to live with their wives. This means you’re to dwell with her in close harmony. To dwell with one's wife "with understanding" means that husbands are to know, to understand, to comprehend their nature, especially as it fits in the marriage relationship.

Learn about your wife, what pleases her and what makes her "tick." And honor your wife by putting her on a pedestal. She’s the love of your life, no one else.

Remember that as Christians, you and your wife are "heirs together." Study together, pray together, worship together.

And husbands, there’s a much more serious side to the equation. Peter says that your prayers before God will be hindered if you ignore his command. We have a solemn duty to God and to your wife to dwell, understand and honor.

The outcome: I gave up about five years ago. Somewhere along the way I realized my life with Debbie transcended Navy-approved culinary techniques. And she makes a great cup of iced tea (this comes from a guy that grew up on unsweetened iced tea).

Oh, I’m drinking a Mason jar of Deb’s iced tea while writing this blog. It’s one of those sweet tea drinks that grows on you. Give yourself 24 years!

DEB’S ICED TEA

2 cups cold water
1 cup granulated sugar
7 tea bags

Combine ingredients in a one-quart saucepan over medium-high heat. When the tea boils, reduce to a low simmer. Simmer until tea reduces to the desired strength, about 30 to 60 minutes. Tea will have a syrupy consistency at this point. Please be very careful. Hot tea syrup is akin to culinary napalm -- it burns.

Cool; strain syrup into a two-quart beverage container and dilute with cold water. Make sure to gently squeeze the tea bags to get as much tea as possible into the water.

To serve, fill a Mason jar with ice. Pour tea over ice and enjoy. Squeeze fresh lemon into tea and stir, if desired. Store in the refrigeration for 2-3 days. It'll be time to make a fresh batch!